The Eulogy for Brian Chalky Till delivered by his wife Doreen at
his Memorial Service.
|
Dedication To My Dear Brian – 9th
January 2007. How privileged I am to know that I have you all here
with us today. This is probably one of the hardest things I will do in my life
but safe in the comfort of your support and friendship, I would like to
explain Brian’s life and more importantly our life together. All of us jog along with our lives and feel that we
really know each other but, in fact, we only touch the surface and – people’s
true lives are much deeper down. Brian’s life was far from easy and a lot of you will
not even know that simple fact. Brian did not enjoy good mental health, a
fact which he even managed to disguise from some of you. Because of Brian’s
courage, I felt that his story had to be told and then realised I was the
only person who could do it. Our love story is better than any novel! Brian was born in Harwich. His Dad was in the Royal
Education Corps and was posted to India during the second- world war. Brian
and his sister went out on a troop ship when he was 4. When in India Brian
had no schooling, he rode his horse Dobbin in the jungle, skinned snakes and
I know he was quite lonely. They lived in two large marquees. One story Brian
used to tell was when his horse escaped and got into a paddy field and was
arrested and put in jail. Dad wasn’t too happy when he had to pay so many
rupees to get him released. When he
returned to England at the age of 12 years, he could not even recite the
alphabet. So everything he achieved in the rest of his life, started at that
point. He joined the REME as a boy soldier and took the Kings
shilling. (How many years, have we had a Queen – for me it seems like forever!).
When he finished his training in Arborfield, he was posted Greenford, near my
home town. We met at a dance one
night. He was 20 and I was 17. I think that Grahame, who is here today, will
confirm that Brian did summersaults on his way back to camp that night
because he had met this fabulous girl!
I must say that Brian had just got back from Monte Carlo and he had a
fabulous suntan and a smart fawn suit.
I was quite thunder struck. Little did I know that he had only 1s 4p
in his pocket, a broken saxophone and even the suit was second-hand. Furthermore he had not been leading the
jet-set life in Monte Carlo but camping with his parents, who paid just 1s 6p
a night – so he was not the rich feller I thought he was J Our romance blossomed and after a month, he said how
well we got on together and then added “The trouble with all the good looking
girls, they have no conversation, you just can’t talk to them” (I should have
left then) His first posting was to Cyprus and my Dad would not
let us get engaged before he went. However, he came home on leave and we got
engaged and later while there was a truce in Cyprus, he came home and married
me. Whilst he was away, Eddie, who is here today, got hold of some Army Khaki
paint and decorated our kitchen from top to toe – so with posh walls and a
kerosene stove, he made sure we had a good start living in our Army hiring at
Famagusta. After our honeymoon in France, we flew to Cyprus only to find that
the EOKA terrorists had resumed their campaign the very day I arrived. The
truce was over. However, we were blissfully happy despite the
atrocities that were being committed. I quickly learnt to drive so that we
could leave our bungalow and Brian could have his sten gun at the ready while
I drove the car. Jen, do you remember crawling on our lounge floor for what
seemed hours while the bullets ricocheted around our bungalow? Little did we know then that events would completely
change the course of our lives forever? These two horrible things happened. Brian was ordered to go up the Pan Handle on a mission
but, for some reason, his friend was ordered to go instead. That convoy was ambushed and Brian’s best
friend Mick Robinson got shot in the head and was casevacked home to England.
We all heard later that he had died. Brian was then put on the next convoy to go and recover
all the bits at pieces from that ambush.
However, his convoy was also ambushed and Brian, who had always been a
real “roughy toughy” and had never been afraid of anything in his whole life,
was really scared when he almost shot a few rounds into three men, who he
thought were terrorists, but turned out to be RAF boys. When he realised he
could have killed his own men, he was horrified. The next event involved me when I was going to be the
first woman to be shot. (What a claim to fame!) One day the Army placed all Cypriots under curfew,
whilst we Army wives went to the NAFFI. I wonder if you can imagine how scary
that was for us, walking through the deserted streets, knowing the terrorists
were behind their shutters and wondering if we would get a bullet in our
backs. An aeroplane flew over and
dropped leaflets. I picked one up and read that the terrorists were not
getting what they wanted by killing soldiers and were going to start shooting
their wives and children. At that time, I worked for the Public Works Department
and my boss was English. The rest of the workers were all Cypriot. In my
office, I worked with a young Greek girl, who was just 17 and who just adored
me. I was all the things she wanted to be!
Late that same day, I found her in a terrible state, she was crying
and shaking with fear and I managed to get it out of her that the terrorists
had dragged her into an empty building on her way to work that day and said
as she was the only one not searched coming into the yard (her being the only
female), the next morning she had to bring in two guns and my boss and I were
to be shot. Brian and I then had a
big problem – we had to protect her from the enemy besides averting the shooting. In the dead of night, we went to my boss’s
home and told him everything. The
Government were very clever, as the following morning, they put an Armenian
woman on the gate to carry out the searches, so my colleague was unable to
deliver the weapons. That afternoon Staff Sergeant Cutliffe’s wife was shot
whilst walking to the NAFFI. She was
a mother of SIX children and, naturally, Brian and I felt devastated. So you see Brian had escaped being shot himself on the
ambush and then I had escaped my death.
This is where Brian was such a better person than me. Although I felt
so sad for the Cutliffe family, I felt that my number was not up but Brian’s
sub conscience made him feel very guilty as he still had his life and wife
and that family had suffered such a great loss. After Cyprus, we were posted to Larkhill and all seemed
to go on normally for months. By this
time, we had our first son Steven and one weekend, when Steven was just two,
our lives were shattered. Our second baby was due in just three weeks and I fell
down the stairs. I think I screamed
as I fell and Brian who was downstairs came out into the hall and something
in his brain snapped and he thought he had killed me. (How could that have
been possible when he loved me so much)?
To cut a long story short, in the course of two days, Brian had lost
touch with reality completely. I
found him running round and round the meadows crying his heart out and not
making much sense. To give you an example, when he looked into Steven’s cot,
he saw a monkey – not his dear little son. He was taken to Netley mental hospital where he
remained for 5 months. At this point, I must remind you that those were the
days of straight jackets and locked padded cells. There was not the modern
medicine of today. I shudder when I think back on it all. Now I will go on to tell you about my life at this
point. I had my two year old Steven and was very heavily
pregnant and with my husband completely lost to me as a person. This was the first time I mourned his “death”,
as I never dreamed he would ever recover. I stayed with Army friends at
Larkhill and drove to Netley hospital every day. I can remember being there
and one of the orderlies asked me when my baby was due and I said today. They
could not get rid of me quickly enough! I drove home and got stopped by the
police for going over a white line in the middle of the road between
Salisbury and Amesbury and …..as they spoke to me, I could not remember any
of the journey – no road, roundabout, gear change…nothing. Needless to say,
they escorted me back to Larkhill. My Mum and Dad must have had a fit when we
arrived. At 4.00am one morning and right on time, I went into
labour. I woke my friends – we wrapped our two 2 year olds in blankets and
drove into Salisbury to our house, which had been left ready. Once I was settled, Norman went off to use
a public telephone to call the mid wife and doctor. It is quite incomprehensible in this day and age, with everyone
having a mobile phone permanently attached to their ears that Norman ran from
Kingsland Road across the cattle market and right into the city centre before
he found a public call box. Meanwhile, things were happening at home. Luckily the
boys were still asleep when my contractions really kicked in and I actually
gave birth to my dear little Kevin on my own, with just my friend Pat in the
background. I can remember Kevin
giving his first yell just as Norman, followed by the mid wife came up the
stairs. She did what was necessary
and shortly after dear old Doctor Drummond arrived. I can remember to this
day him saying – “You poor, poor girl going through all that on your own and
with your husband so ill – and still you are managing to smile”. (Smiling is
a thing I have always tried to show to this very day!). Nightmare days followed – Brian had completely lost
touch with reality – he thought he could walk through a wall and tried doing
so………, he thought he was God….. His colour perception went into Technicolor,
which was always frightening. He knew nothing logical and was a very
frightened soul. His sub conscious
brain persisted in telling him that he was guilty of committing some unknown
terrible crime. I drove every day to see him and life was grim. My Mum
and Dad, Sister and Brother-in-law supported me and I can remember my Mum
going with me to the medical centre at Larkhill and saying to the Sister –
“What is my poor daughter to do”. Sister Martin said, she has two choices,
either she must leave him and try and make a life for herself and her two
little boys …or stand by him. I
certainly did that! Altogether Brian had 27 shock therapy treatments in all
and 15 of them during that time in hospital and very gradually he started to
come back to reality. After 5 very long months, he was discharged and when I
tell you that he did not even recognise his home, nor did he know where the
rooms were, where anything was in the rooms etc, will tell you the extent of
his condition. He eventually went
back to Larkhill but the shock therapy had wiped out all his memory and he
had to virtually teach himself the job once more. Many soldiers must have
“carried” Brian while he learnt. The
Army were brilliant and they kept him on for the following 10 years! Life for me was hard, as he relapsed frequently and had
to be hospitalised each time. I had virtually to bring my boys up single
handed because everything was too much for my poor Brian. However, looking at them both today and
acknowledging the support they have both given me, I think I have been well
rewarded. Brian suffered extremes of temperament. I have known him so far
down a deep, deep well, with no light at the end of the tunnel and I have
known him too elated. If I can say that at times he thought the television
was talking directly to him. Once when he was walking down a road, he ran for
cover in a wood when some helicopters were flying overhead and he thought
they were looking for him to punish him for his guilt. All these next years were interspersed with Brian
having to be re-admitted into hospital many times and each time I thought I
had lost him. I suppose life for me
became easier once our boys were old enough to understand – all their
childhood I had tried desperately to shield them from the truth. Brian was eventually discharged from the Army in 1972,
after one serious bout of deep depression the Psychiatrist’s decided he
should be out of the Army. However, they did keep him on as a civilian, doing
the same job for half the pay. When he was 57, it was then decided he should
retire from working altogether and we had 14 idyllic years of retirement. The
Old Manor took Brian over and I thank Dr Gwyn Davies for all his care and
support. During the course of his illness, Brian “died” mentally
3 times and each time, I never thought he would recover. Over the years,
things have all got so much better. We learned how to cope and our love just
grew and grew. Our love would not have been so precious and close if we had
not had to endure so much. Both our boys married and we have 5 lovely
grandchildren, who have given us such a lot of pleasure. Brian was We had language students for 12 years and Brian enjoyed
having them so very much. This week I
have had people on the phone from Argentina, France, Belgium and Spain and
Italy. I have tried to console these
people in their grief at losing Brian. One very special student, Carles, is
here with us today and we are very privileged that he has made the long
journey from Catalonia, just to be with me and the family and to pay his
respects. The pleasures Brian found in recent life were to have a
good old yarn with his friend Tim on the market. They both have the same
sense of humour. He loved going round to Pat and Joyce for lengthy
discussions and a cup of coffee. He had a voluntary job for Radio Odstock and
he was a co-presenter with Kevin, who is also here with us today. They both
got on like a house on fire and I know that Kev is missing him a lot. They
had great fun together. Of course, Brian loved going to our 50+ group and
enjoyed playing badminton and swimming. Brian has always been such a support
to me with my involvement with the club and you will all have heard him say
that he did all the work and I got all the glory! Now for the fairy tale ending to our story:- About three years ago, Mick Robinson, who we thought
had died after the ambush, walked into an old boys Re-union. Brian wasn’t
there but his mates quickly told him and we dashed up to Yorkshire to meet
him and his wife Marlene. What a reunion!
They both hugged and kissed each other. We stayed for the weekend and
they never stopped talking. Mick explained that he was very ill for many
months after the shooting and he too sunk to the depths of despair. He did
not want to think about the Army let alone let anyone know that he was alive.
So hence rumour got round that he was dead. Mick had hoped to be with us today but his grief is too
much but you will be amazed when I say that Mick still carries the bullet in
his head, after nearly 50 years! He sent this email instead which I will
painfully try to read Dear Doreen and family, I met Brian in September 1951, in the wash room getting
shaved in cold water. I cannot tell you what he said but I can remember word
for word. That was the start of our life long friendship. For 3 and half years we were side by side, thick or
thin - mainly thin. Then we parted for the very first time, Brian going to
Greenford [were he met Doreen, the love of his life] myself going north. In
1956, whilst in Cyprus, I had the chance to visit another camp in Famagusta
where low and behold, I could not believe my eyes. I met Chalkie and Eddie
again. We spent a lot of time in the bar talking and then it was time to
leave to go to another camp, On that fateful Sunday in February, we were parted
again, this time I did think it was for good. 40 years on, I met the man who
I believe was the finest and the very best pal you could ever meet. Wherever
you are Chalkie, we will meet again. Unfortunately I am not fit to travel
down to Salisbury to see the great man on his way, but he knows I will be
thinking of him. Till we meet again, and we will. God bless you Chalkie Till. Your pal for ever, Mick. I don’t think it would be possible for any nicer words
to be written about Brian. For most of October, Brian and I were in the Tenerife,
where Brian got into the pool about 10 times a day to get cool; we walked and
travelled a bit. Little did we know then what was ahead of us? Just two months later he died. Brian could never quite cope with all the terrorist
activity in the world and especially Iraq and it is quite ironic that on Nov
6th both Brian and Saddam Hussein were given the death sentence
……and they both lost their lives on the same day. Could there be two more
contrasting characters. Brian spent the last days in the Hospice and I cannot
say how good they were to us both. We
all know it is a wonderful place but until you experience it first hand you
cannot appreciate the depth of love and care. If I can say that about a week
before Brian died, he said – “I am Brian Till, I have cancer and I do not
have much time to live” and a lovely nurse said – “Yes, you are Brian Till
and you have got cancer and yes you do not have much time to live but we are
going to make the most of every single minute of that time” and she gave
Brian such a smashing kiss – I will never forget that! They even arranged for
Father Christmas to leave a stocking for him, which we found on the end of
the bed 3.00am. All through our lives, we have had great support from
all my family. My boys and their
families have been so good and I could not have coped without Brian’s sister
and brother-in-law, Val and Grahame.
They were so good to Brian, even though their hearts were breaking,
they kept going. Over many, many years and especially after we lost Dad, Val
supported Brian with so many phone
calls when he was off-key and had lots of laughs with him when he was “on the
ball”. They have been there for me and I know that they always will be and I
thank them for that. So you see ours has been a wonderful love story. No one
could have loved me as much as Brian loved me. We have been through the most desperate times but our love has
always pulled us through. People think that I am a strong character and now
that you have heard of our past, you will understand why I have had to be but
I have always said I drew my strength from Brian. I will leave
you now with some music –“ Love is a Many Splendoured Thing” which we always considered is “our
song” It was played the night we
met, we heard it on our wedding day, the day Brian went to Cyprus and when
our sons were born in fact at every special occasion it has somehow turned
up. Published: 1st May 2007
|
